Image courtesy of: http://www.goodvibeblog.com
1. At the onset
I was once told by a psychologist that not only negative occurrences in life can cause stress. ANY change in one’s routine, habit, and even a realization that would modify a long-held belief could also be stressful. My face must have had the look of a bewildered fish because then she added, “To be clear, even positive changes can be a cause of stress. Of course, it will be of a different kind, but still stress, nonetheless”.
I’ve been turning this conversation over my head because of my everyday gratefulness for a dream coming true- getting to write for a living. Now that I’ve had time to reflect upon it, I can say that yes, when that ambition materialized, it demanded so much time and energy from me, aside from a reallocation of other resources (getting a nanny for Leo, transferring him to a better school so his needs could be better attended to, buying nicer clothes for work, etc…). And in a way, yes, it caused me some stress.
It’s not the dream come true that stressed me. THAT empowered me and simply made me want to be better. What caused the stress is the fact that I have to live through that dream: I signed a contract, I am committed to that agreement and I have to prove myself worthy of having done so (more on that later). So, in having to do all of those things, I found myself changing my habits, my routine and my way of thinking so I could adapt. THAT was the cause of stress.
However, there were proactive responses that helped me mitigate stress (and keep it under control):
- Having taken the time to enjoy my triumph- I celebrated by eating out, skipping on household chores (even if they accumulated the next few days, haha!) and even treated people to a celebratory meal.
- Facing the new reality- Once the initial excitement started to ebb, I laid out my plan. I started to look for a nanny, I drew up a monthly budget that I commit to, I inquired for a more suited school for Leo and our new situation. I also talked to people so I could verbally express my joy, concerns and most of all, so that the smarter friends I have could help me think things through.
- Thankfulness- Each time I got daunted by the possibilities, or someone’s
scary storieswell-intentioned warnings got to me, I said a prayer from my grateful heart. It never failed to put things into perspective.
2. Living the dream
The first article I wrote that got published were actually four articles that got published almost simultaneously. I had to write them in Spanish and then translate them to English. They were life stories of four Latinamerican entrepreneurs- inspiring, invigorating and absolutely the best subject any newbie writer could ask for. I didn’t worry (that much) about the grammatical errors, I just let myself embrace the assignment and took a peek into the lives of the people I was writing about. I created my very own writer’s heaven.
When the drafts were edited, I saw the result and it looked like it was dipped in blue ink. It was so full of errors! and the most common feedback was that I use long sentences to explain something that could be expressed more briefly. It was so fun! The narrator in me felt a pang of hurt, of course, but the pragmatic in me encouragingly said, “This is journalism, not novel-writing! this is a corporate article, not a blog!” And life went on, with me knowing more and having learned many new things.
What I’m trying to say is that when I was writing, I was focused on the task, and every fiber in me had the intention of writing. And when my work was being corrected, no matter how hard it was at first, I was focused on the feedback and every fiber in me had the intention of listening to what I was being told. After that, I went on rewriting, focused on it, with every fiber in me… you get where I’m going, dear reader, right?
This is what philosophers, mothers, coaches, soulsisters or shamans mean when they say, “Live the moment”.
3. When they try to bring you down…
Some people find it hard being happy for others when the latter’s dreams come true. Some people don’t care, and others would actually try to rain down on your parade and even throw in a few lightning bolts and thunderstorms. It’s normal. It’s human nature. (I cannot for the life of me understand it, but it must have something to do with survival, as is with everything in our lives. But I haven’t discovered the link yet.)
In my case, I won’t say that somebody tried to bring me down. I honestly believe they weren’t even aware of the effect their words had on me. But I was brought down, for 10 seconds, that is. Because at the end of the day, I have the choice to be affected or not.
The mind is a very powerful muscle, and if we train it hard enough, we can block many psychological attacks that come our way. It’s not easy, just like boxing trainings or self-defense sessions aren’t easy either. We will still get hurt and it will still bruise us, but if we practice everyday, it will hurt less and the bruises won’t bother us much anymore.
I chose not to be affected. I could’ve thought that the person had a bad intention for having told me those harsh words, and it could’ve been true, too! but I chose not to care about the intention and pray for that person. That they may find peace of mind and that their dreams come true as well. I also took a very clear mental note not to trust that person anymore, if I could help it.
4. The “ideal” situation has turned into a routine
I haven’t really entered into this phase yet so everything in this part is what I think I’d do.
I suppose the first thing I would do is to acknowledge my privileged situation and be thankful once again. Then I’d try to remember and thank those who helped me get to where I am: family and friends who cheered me up, my boss who put total faith in me and who keeps on empowering me, my colleagues at work who have my back and who trust in me to keep theirs safe, and you, dear reader, for always dropping by this site and letting me share my thoughts with you.
(Seeing that you’re already here, though, I might as well say it now: THANK YOU!)
And then, I would…
- Find that bucket list and see what things need to be ticked off it
- Open myself up to other endeavors and opportunities for learning
- Mentor anyone who could put up with me
- Read and talk to people to see what others are up to– that should inspire me to aspire for something new